How to Care Again: Making Your Marriage Work

With a struggling marriage, sometimes it's hard to keep working on it. I mean, being married isn't all sunshine and roses all the time, is it? So how do you stay motivated to make your marriage work? Its starts by being willing to work for what you want. For everything good in your life, you have to work hard for it.

Sit Down Together To Talk

If your marriage is starting to drift and you aren't sure where you are headed, look where you are going. Sit down together and see what has gone wrong and what needs to be fixed. If you are going to make your marriage work, you both need to be working together. You are fighting a losing battle if you are doing it alone.

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Remember Who You Fell In Love With

What made you fall in love in the first place? You will both find things that you loved that have changed. But what do you love now? Keep in mind that you got married because you were in love.

Maybe you each need to take a look at your lives. Where are you focusing the most? If you are using too much of your focus on things other than yourselves and each other, then there needs to be a reevaluation. Maybe some things are growing between you that you can control.

Go Back To The Days Of Dating

If you are looking for a reason to make your marriage work, do back to the days of dating. Why did you want to get married? You had dreams that you were making together. Are you still working on those dreams?

When we stop dreaming we are kicking ourselves in the face and putting ourselves down. Go back to a place where you can dream together. Make plans for the future together. It can be something as simple as a weekend trip you both want to take and reconnect, or working on a plan for more frequent date nights.

When both of you just aren't sure what makes a successful marriage, find someone who did. There is someone out there that has been through a tough marriage and they worked it out and became a strong couple again. Use this couple as a mentor.

Ask them questions you are struggling with and use them as examples of love. Knowing that there is hope can motivate you into action, don't lose what you can't get back.

Working Together

Working together with a mentor will be something that will bring you motivation in every aspect of your life. There are always things that affect our whole lives, work on them together, and don't forget to be involved in each other's problems.

Find What Your Marriage Has Lost Over The Years

Is it communication, humor, friendship, or what? Together you can find a way to start talking again or laughing again. You can even find the friend that you started the journey out with. Just because you have misplaced something in your marriage doesn't mean that it is lost forever, motivate yourself to find it again.

Don't Forget About Your Kids In All Of This

Maybe they are motivated enough to make you work on your marriage. They shouldn't be the reason you stay together, if it is over then don't hold on, but they should be great motivation for you to start doing something in the right direction. You both love your kids, so do what is best for them and yourselves.

Any action in the right direction can help your marriage. If you knew that taking a step would make you happier and your marriage better, would that be enough? Look deep inside and see how badly you want to work on your marriage. Find something that drives you and never let go of it. You don't need to settle for a drifting marriage, take anchor and do something.

Keys to Making Your Marriage Work

Good marriages do not happen on their own. They take hard work and devotion. If you are married and have no desire to see your marriage end up as a part of a divorce statistic, you must approach your relationship as something that has to be built, nurtured, and designed from love, patience, trust, honesty, and humor.

Commitment

No marriage can survive the inevitable challenges unless both partners are truly committed to sticking it out. If you turn tail at the first brush with trouble, then you will never be able to develop a lasting relationship.

This does not mean a “grit your teeth and bear it” attitude, but a determination to overcome problems and find solutions.

Handle Conflict Well

How you handle conflict is a key predictor of whether your marriage will survive. That doesn't mean avoiding conflict, though. In fact, withdrawal from conflict is one of the death knells of marriage. It means dealing with conflict without escalating, becoming angry, or insulting each other.

Be One and Yet Individuals

To have a happy marriage, you must be able to build a life together based on a common sense of identity as a couple, while still recognizing and respecting each other's differences.

Use intimacy and trust to create safe havens for each other; don't be afraid to depend on each other, but support and encourage each other without criticism, and regardless of adversity or crises in your life.

Communication

Good communication involves talking, listening, and understanding. Take turns presenting your part and repeat back to each other what you hear. It's important to correctly understand what your spouse is saying before you can accurately respond to it.

Whoever is listening must do so without comment until the person who's talking feels like he's been heard and understood. This approach both prevents misunderstandings and slows down emotional responses.

Appreciate Each Other

Pay each other compliments. Make it a point to say thank you. Find ways to show your love to your spouse. No one likes to feel unappreciated, especially in a marriage. Instead of focusing on your partner's faults, think about his good points.

Remember why you fell in love in the first place, accepting that neither life nor people are perfect, but that good times and romance are still possible. Laugh at your problems instead of fighting about them and show the love you want to receive.